((Warning: The following letter will not sound like the Alicia you know. This letter is full of hurt feelings and if you do not wish to read it, please, by all means don't. There are much more fun and lighthearted posts below. Writing a letter filled with such seething bitterness leaves a bad taste in my mouth even now.
I, for the most part, try to live my life in full light. What do I mean? Well, I don't enjoy things that follow you like shadows; fear, envy, uncertainty, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, disillusion, unproductive-ness, unrest, disapproval... so pretty much any and all un- and dis- words you can think of...
It took me quite a long time to even learn how to be happy. Hell, it took a little bit of dying to find my happy. All those shadowy emotions just take up too much of my time and energy. But listen here folks, I am NOT delusional, I know I am not immune to those emotions or feelings or whatever you want to call them. I know that those shadows must have time in your heart. I simply acknowledge them, figure out why I'm feel that way, accept it, and move on...
Happy is the most simple and complicated emotion ever.))
And so in the letter below I've shed a little light on the dark shadowy parts of my heart.
If and ONLY if you're interested, then I suggest that you read on.
BlackMilk feat. Colin Munroe- Without You
It's a fun song in general... somewhat applicable for this post...
but from here on to the bottom of this post... please take it with a grain of salt.
Dear !@#$%^&*(),
Thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you for proving my loss of faith in people is not incorrect. Thank you SO MUCH for not being there when I really really needed you. What reason could you possibly give to excuse your absence? Never mind. I don't want one. You think it was easy going through almost losing my Dad. My DAD. THE most important person in my life. Having to go to the ER, going to appointment after appointment after appointment, then having to sit in an oncologists office... and hear that your Dad has a tumor the size of a small melon... waiting for you to call me back was the LAST thing I needed. Do you get it? No? MY DAD has cancer....How about now???
where the fuck were YOU?!
Anyway, if we're really being honest here, the fault is my own. Yeah I said it, go back and reread it. It actually is all my fault cuz I KNOW BETTER haha.. I even know I know better than that.
I know better than to have expectations of any kind when it comes to people who are not me.
So now, once again, I must thank you. You have made me stronger... and only furthered the reliance of my own independence.
Thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you for proving my loss of faith in people is not incorrect. Thank you SO MUCH for not being there when I really really needed you. What reason could you possibly give to excuse your absence? Never mind. I don't want one. You think it was easy going through almost losing my Dad. My DAD. THE most important person in my life. Having to go to the ER, going to appointment after appointment after appointment, then having to sit in an oncologists office... and hear that your Dad has a tumor the size of a small melon... waiting for you to call me back was the LAST thing I needed. Do you get it? No? MY DAD has cancer....How about now???
where the fuck were YOU?!
Anyway, if we're really being honest here, the fault is my own. Yeah I said it, go back and reread it. It actually is all my fault cuz I KNOW BETTER haha.. I even know I know better than that.
I know better than to have expectations of any kind when it comes to people who are not me.
So now, once again, I must thank you. You have made me stronger... and only furthered the reliance of my own independence.
Always,
Alicia
P.S. Please stop telling people you'd be there for me if only I'd call...
newsflash::: I shouldn't have to ask a 'friend' to be there for me... wooooops, there goes my expectations running away from me again.
(HAHAHAAHAHA bitter much???... real talk though!? I'm actually very sad to say that this letter applies to more than a couple of people...)
Alicia
P.S. Please stop telling people you'd be there for me if only I'd call...
newsflash::: I shouldn't have to ask a 'friend' to be there for me... wooooops, there goes my expectations running away from me again.
(HAHAHAAHAHA bitter much???... real talk though!? I'm actually very sad to say that this letter applies to more than a couple of people...)
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