as of lately... 10.16

acccck... ok before I get berated by everyone for not posting for a while... all I can say is that there really is nothing to update yall on... forreal and not for fake...

It seems that my life here isn't all that different from my life at home...

but instead of work... hanging out... sleep

its now... school... study... sleep (with an occasional going out sprinkled in)

seriously... that's all...

To be honest folks its hard to do anything else when you're not working... My parents always taught me to be self sufficient... so after college I didn't think I'd have to rely on them financially anymore... and I really really don't like it...

My mom is so gracious to be supporting me (in more ways than just financially) that I can't in good conscious spend money on frivolous things... I know that in the near future... I wont have to and I'll get a job but for now thaswassup.

But since I don't really have anything to talk about I'll tell you what I would like to do when I'm finally making my own money...

I'd like to take the gondola ride up to see Taipei from hahaha I don't even know what the mountains name is.

I eventually want to make my way south to see Tainan

Make my way out to the Penghu islands in the Taiwan Strait

Drive up and down the coasts on a scooter... (or motorcylce).

and of course once the year is up depending on the cash flow... I would love to visit home (here's the kicker people... even if the year is up and I'm allowed to leave the country I don't know if I should come home quite yet... I don't really want to interrupt the language learning process and I'm afraid if I come home my Chinese might regress...idk that's just my thinking)

But I wouldn't mind traveling to mainland (I don't actually have an interest in Mainland but since its riiiiiight there I might as well take advantage right?)

so for Mainland [China] there's Hong Kong, Beijing, and the Great Wall is definitely on the list.

then I would like to go to Japan, Korean, Mongolia, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Nepal

then south maybe??? Australia... New Zealand...


believe me folks when I say... when I get to the point where I can travel... I will be eating my way through ALL these countries... yummmo






ahhhhhhhhhhhhahahahah wow this is really going to become a habit.... almost forgot about my test on Monday... and again... using blogging as a way to avoid studying... shame on me... but I actually really need to study this time... I got an 88 on my last test... completely ruined my day... GRRRRRRRR.... not this time... lesson 5 will not get me! (I hope)

anyway...加油!!!

As of lately...10.9

加油

Literal translation: add oil.

Meaning: fighting! keep going! charge!

PinYin: jia you!

REAL pronunciation: jyah yo!

Weird? Yes.

So it's my full intention to keep 加油ing, hahahah 

I've decided to stick with school for at least a year.

I am also giving serious thought to the idea of doing my masters here. The way I see it... I'm going to have to be here for my citizenship anyway, education here is really REALLY affordable, and hopefully having my masters will (crossing my fingers here) will give me a leg up for when I go back to the states (and add the fact that I will be speaking Chinese, again, hopefully). ~ The only things is that I don't know what I would like to study. But I am at least thinking about it. ;)

My family is STiLL amazing... they took me out for a steak dinner the other night... AHmazing hahaha although by the time I finished I was in a full on food coma. I was still tired the next day... it was greeeat. =D 

So at dinner my cousin asked me about the room mate situation and I tried to explain that I might be moving when the rental contract it up even though I really like the house and neighborhood and whatnot. I tried to explain that I am just her tenant and she's not my mom... I mean even my Mom trusts me more than to require me to tell her my whereabouts n what not. 

But any who what made me so very happy is that Soo Ching immediately went into Big Brother mode and was like "WHY? Where are you goin? What are you doin? Who are you with? Do you come home late? Don't make me worry." ahhhh so cute... Then he asked me a question that made me want to cry. He asked me how I was and if I was happy here... and it all just made me really happy.

I haven't been up to Badu to see Ama since the Moon festival so I think I should check when the next time the twins are heading up so I can have some company.

Hopefully I'll be able to see the girls in Badu too. 

I sincerely think the day I can have a whole conversion [with them] in Chinese I will be so happy I'll probably cry. 

Hmmm if you've been to the FB page you should see that I have been going out with my classmates... they're all pretty cool.

There are 5 Japanese girls, 2 from Palau, 1 from Russia, theres me of course and our one and ONLY guy is from Guatamala.

It's a pretty fun class... we laugh all the time... we all work really hard... and the class is moving at an incredible pace. 

Class is going to end at the end of November.  Two weeks prior we have our Proficiency Exams so we'll see how I do. 

I finally got 100 on my Lesson 3 test... but a couple other people got 100's so mines didn't feel so special... hahahha

And the big news for next quarter is that I'm actually going to try and test my way into the intensive course. 

OH before I forget... tomorrow is 10/10 Taiwan's Independence day... we're in our 99th year or something like that.... so next years celebration is going to be the biznisssssssss woot woot CENTENIAL. ch ch che chyeah buddy. 

I'm actually blogging right now cuz I'm putting off studying for my Lesson 4 test. So I should get back to it I guess... le sigh. But next time I'll have to tell you about the club scene here... kinda crazy... like I've lived in Santa Cruz and it's a party school and I've been to bars and clubs but here... its something else entirely.

ily ♥

YIPPY SKIPPY YALLLLL!

I just got an email today from my mommy!

don't judge me... I still call my mom mommy and my dad daddy.... I'm a big kid... what can i say...




ANYWHOOOOO... the email was her ITINERARY to come out here in November... woot woot... throw your hands up , shake your bootay, put a ring on it.... =)

A little more than personal...

[[Okie doke folks... so this post is neither GoneandSaidit nor any sort of challenge... the reason for the post is in the 3rd paragraph... so if you're here for GoneandSaidit biz you wont find it in this post... I have started another blog... totally unrelated to TW life...  and that's where I'll be posting personal/random stuff in the future...if you're interested you can find me at theExtra.tumblr.com]]

One could hurt themselves thinking about what might have been, what could have been, and what would have been…

When the plain ol' truth is that it is what it is.

When I do allow my mind to wander off it always seems to end up in the same place with the same thought… what if my brother hadn’t had died? How different my life would be…

Today my brother would have turned 40 years old. In 10 days it will mark the 11^th anniversary of his death.

(For those of you who are familiar with this story… there is no need to rehash these feelings so I will not take offense if you don’t read this post… but I will also not know if you don’t… so do as you will)

To set the record straight, he was my half brother; we have the same dad but he was my brother nevertheless…

Back to the story at hand… Daniel died right after he turned 29… I was 13…

What a shitty age to have something this epic happen to you…I was in 8^th grade, being all prepubescent and shit… I was already angry with the world, my parents, my teachers, the man (Did I know who the man was at the time? No, but you can bet your clean underwear that I was mad at him too).

And then he died. Out of nowhere… it brought my world crashing down around me… and when the dust settled I stepped out into the harsh reality that everything else in the world moved on without me. I really just wanted to shout and kick and scream at the sky, “Don’t you know?! Don’t you know how hurt I am? What I just lost?” I wanted to the world to stop for me to get my shit together… but life just doesn’t give you what you want especially if you’re throwing a temper tantrum.

You hear of those moments of clarity or epiphanies or whatever you call em…

The moment we walked into the funeral parlor, my sister and I on each side of my dad that was my moment. At the first sight of seeing my brother laying there in the coffin, at that moment my father grabbed my shoulder, leaning into me for support and cried unashamedly. I knew however great my grief, however tough the months ahead were going to be I knew that the love I had for my dad was greater than all of that. I knew inside, past the tears, under the hurt and through the confusion that I would eventually be okay. I knew in the end I’d be okay… it was just a matter of getting through it.

[You can maybe start to see why I’m so attached to my dad. It’s not because I’m a Daddy’s girl… okay, OKAY, I should say it’s not just because I’m a Daddy’s girl… which btw I fully admit to being. I am my father’s daughter… I am my dad. We get along (well not all the time) because we are so similar. ]

I went through that whatchamacallit… the 5 stages of grief… I don’t really know if there is an order to them but I do know I was stuck in anger for a really really long time.

A year later Rita left for school and the house became quiet (give or take the occasional screaming at the parentals more so because of my age than because of the situation we were in). My mom had to watch us moving forward but not moving on… my poor mother could only empathize… she did not or rather could not feel the same way… and I have NEVER placed any blame on her for that… it was not her child… it was not her brother… but I feel sad that she had to watch the people that she loves be in so much pain… and there was very little she could do but watch

My father and I deal with things in the same way… quietly, internally and in our own time….

None of my friends had ever experienced loss of that kind and they did not understand… it felt as if no one did… At the time I felt that they had abandoned me but looking back  now I know they were not the ones who left.

I was no longer able to be the way they were… happy, carefree, and blissfully ignorant ... I was completely miserable and fully exposed to how unkind life could be. Ya know it’s not always true that misery loves company… If you have ever wondered how my tongue got so sharp it’s because it was my weapon of choice to keep people away. So I retreated into myself, closing myself up like a clam, allowng the anger to swallow me whole and I dug myself a nice comfy hole in the ground where I could hide out for a while…

There wasn’t an exact moment when I broke through or woke up (whatever you wanna call it) from this mess… but it was more like finding one rung after the other on the ladder outta that big fatty hole I dug myself into.

There are more words left to say (as always)… but my eyes hurt from crying… I’ve noticed that as much as I hate it… I really do cry in front of people a lot… at least this time it was my computer… I know you will take what you want from this… so I gave you all I could (for now). And in the future... personal ish like this will probably go on the tumblr account... common folks.. dont be lazy... you know you wanna know. ;) as always, thanks. thanks for reading. thanks for taking the time. ♥

DAY 30

awwwww don't be TOO sad yalll.... this might be the last post for the 30 day Challenge... but it wont be the last post for GoneandSaidit ;)

I seriously didn't think I'd make it through the challenge... I did miss that one day but I'd say over all, it was a success... and of course the last day of the challenge is here...


DRUMROLL***************** and the question IS

WHO ARE YOU?
[but you should have known that since I posted the list of questions before I started =P]

wahhhhahahhahahhaa how the hell am I suppose to answer that?!?!
The only way I know how to answer that question is by simply saying...
I AM ME.
I know I am not who I was 20 years ago. Nor am I who I was 10 years ago or 5 or even one year ago. I am not who I was yesterday of just a moment ago, just then or then or then or then or just a second ago...

However long or short the time is I am constantly changing, growing, learning, blah blah blah hahaha.
So even I was to tell you who I am it would only be applicable for a mere moment in the expanse of moments that fill my life.

I know that for this answer I should receive a failing grade but I have no idea what else to say. Even if I was to list all the things I think make me me it wouldn't even matter... because who I am and how I see myself might not be the same as how you perceive me...


so I open it up to you... I am asking you...
WHO IS ALICIA.
[and please... no corny responses... real talk... if I don't see at least one response that says... Alicia is a hard ass, demanding hooker (give or take a bad name)... I will be very disappointed!]

DAY 29

In this past month, what have you learned?

hahahah x a million .... nothing new
;)

DAY 28

A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed?

ummm
I now have 2 names.
Lost a couple of kilos.
Moved to Taiwan.
Lost some friends.
Gained a new Family.
Got a 2nd passport.
Currently unemployed.
Attending MTC/NTNU.
Happier and not at the same time.
(emphasis on the er)


but apparently I still throw up the peace sign hahaha

DAY 27

Why are you doing this 30 DAY challenge?

I saw it on Grace's page and I thought it'd be fun so I thieved it off her page =P
It sure has been a challenge to do this everyday...

also using it as a break from all the homework and studying I've been doin...
AND to get myself used to writing everyday, writing more openly, and not to fear the reaction I might get from some of the things I write.
♥ ♥ ♥

as of lately...9.28

Okie doke folks... (and I've just now realized how much I say folks... my bad... and also how big of a fan I am of the dot dot dot hahha again, my bad ohhhh ohhhh and "seriously" too... add that to the list)


SOOOOOOooooo Taipei dodged Typhoon Fanapi... but there are 12 or so typhoons guaranteed in a year so I think we're going to have some more even though "typhoon season" is about to end. We'll see... I'll try and keep everyone updated like how I did for Fanapi if we get hit by any more typhoons.

I've just started my 3rd week at 國立台灣師範大學國語教學中心 (that's the long Chinese version of MTC of NTNU hahah and I'm happy to say the I can read the first 4, 7th, and the last 2 characters, yay me!)

I got my lesson 2 test back... 94... I was hoping for 100 cuz I studied really hard but I guess I'll just have to study more next time. We're moving really quick though lesson 3. I think 老師 is speeding things up... spending 3 days on vocab for lesson 1, then 2-3 days for lesson 2 and only a day for lesson 3 vocab. My 老師 teaches here in TW and also in Germany, she's published a book in German on how to teach Chinese. It's pretty awesome.

Well any who.... that's school... but I've been seriously thinking and considering the masters programs here... esp for Teaching Mandarin as a second language or Translating and Interpretation. I think it'd be cool... much more interesting than teaching English (esp since I barely speak it properly hahhahahaha x a million)

I'm still working on getting past the obvious reasons why I came to Taiwan. However obvious they are they are not shallow... and maybe that's enough...

This past Wednesday was the Moon Festival. Careful with them Moon Cakes yall... it's like being on camera... that shiz adds 10lbs! Yup... found out how fattening they were after I ate 1.5 ginormous sized ones my Uncle gave me.

So the Moon Festival is the lightweight equivalence to our Thanksgiving... It's def a family holiday but instead of giving thanks to things in the present... you honor people of the past and of course the Gods. The actual festival falls on the night of a full moon in the 8th month (lunar calendar here folks)... on this night the face of the moon should present you with a view of the Lady of the Moon (and I think a rabbit too?)... google it... its kinda a sad story.

Most people BBQ out in the streets but I headed up to Badu to spend it with Ama. Four outta her six children were present =) and my cousins Soo Young, Stanley, Rita, Nio, and the two little ones (I don't know they're English names) were also there... I thought the twins would be there too but I think they're going to the next bi-bi...

ANNNNNYYYYY ways... I was sitting amongst my family listening to them fluidly switching between Taiwanese and Mandarin.... and feeling like it's always been like this... with me apart of this family. It made me happy just to sit and listen even though I can only understand 5% of what they say.... hahahah and less than 1% if they switch to Taiwanese. At that point I'm sure I had a big ol goofy grin on my face because I know... this is what I was missing... and now that I'm here I know I belong.

Well let me just correct myself... I don't think it was a part of me that was missing... I fully believe that people are complete entities in themselves... but maybe for me its an addition to who I am more so than filling an empty spot somewhere in me.

I smiled the whole car ride home listening to my Uncle explain Pomelo and Citron to my Aunt and talking over my cousins upcoming concerts. big. ol. goofy. grin.




ehhh... On a not so happy note...
I've decided that when my rental contract is up in November I will def peace up out this biotch. I love the house and the neighborhood and even the street vendors right outside my door... But the house mate situation isn't getting any better...

The language barrier is the biggest and worst part of it but the age gap and cultural differences don't fall to far behind.

I think I decided to live here because of my Mom, my Uncle and my cousins... They really wanted me to live in this specific neighborhood and my mom said it would be a clean environment and if I had any questions about buses directions or whatever... I'd be able to ask my roommate who's Taiwanese... anyway I'm sure you get the point....

but I don't really know if anyone took into account how hard it is not just for me but for US to communicate... or just how much the cultural differences we're going to affect us. When I talked to my mom the only requirement I had was to live by myself so we made sure to sign a short rental agreement. I will start to look for a new place soon. So if anyone knows a place available in November holllllaaaaaa

DAY 26

What do you think about your friends....

My friends? hmmmm my friends....???

What do I think of my friends...


they're AWESOME.

beginning

middle

end
.

DAY 25

What I would find in your bag...

2 chap-sticks
receipts
lip gloss
digital tape recorder
my business cards
anywhere between 5-10 bobby pins (of various sizes)
loose change
wallet
reusable bags
Vaseline ahahah
keys
pocket dictionary
toothbrush
toothpick
nail file
iPod
hair ties
HI-CHEWS
notebook
a couples of pens
Yo-Yo card
cell
camera
and give or take:
my travel mug
a sandwich for lunch
umbrella


believe it or not this was after i cleaned it out... and also one of my SMALLER bags =)

...

seriously a little frustrated...


is it really that hard???


I know I'm the one that left...


but could you at least pretend to care... care enough to show it?





in anything there is give and take... a meeting point half way in.. a two way street.... I give... I show up... and I'm in my god dammed lane in the wrong effin direction chasing after you...

f*ck it... over it.... however you do it... thanks for trying.... thanks for reading....


I already know exactly WHO is going to respond to this... and really don't worry about it... blame October.

DAY 24

A letter to your parents...


There are only 3 things I would like to say to you:

1. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every time I talked back to you. I'm sorry for always putting things off. I'm sorry for not taking the time to show you how to work the DVD player or the Dish or how to work a computer. I'm sorry if I ever made you worry about me. I'm sorry I'm not at home, that I left you with no one to take care of you. But most of all I'm sorry for every time I disappointed you.
   
   
2. Thank you. Thank you for raising me. Thank you for raising me well with a strong moral compass. Thank you always supporting me in all of my endeavors. Mom, thank you for giving me your smarts. Dad, thank you for giving me your heart. Thank you both for giving me the best parts of you.
   
   and
   
   
3. I love and miss you more than I can say with words.

Affectionately,
Your Daughter

DAY 23

Something you crave for a LOT...

(hahah it became thingS you crave for... and of course what ELSE would Alicia crave for but FOOD from home... enjoy! and try not to drool on your keyboard folks!)

I miss EVERYTHING at Sushi House
(Alameda, CA)


...mmm rasberry buttercreams, vanilla nut fudge, scotchmallows, dark walnuts... drool...
(West Coast... the best coast, U.S.A)


...chicken salad, banh hoi, bum rieu.... ugh everything here is delicious...
(Oakland [Chinatown], CA)


... faaawk I really REALLY miss my usual... 10" Philly with mushrooms and a side of CORN FRITTERS... hella bomb... the end
(ALL OVER haha, but of course my fave is the one on Lakeshore where they already know my order)


...chiew chow ho fun, fried fish cake and iced coffee... smh I really want some
(Oakland [Chinatown], CA)


...I think I miss my boys as much as I miss their food... =)
(Alameda, CA)


...BEST hot chocolate you will EVER have... and their truffles are beyond mouthgasmic... seriously... no joke...
(Santa Cruz [Pacific Ave.], CA)


...best tzatiki I've ever had in MY LIFE... WARNING: there's a lot of garlic in there and you're breath WILL be kickin like the FIFA world cup for like 3 days...
(Santa Cruz [Mission St.], CA)


...spicy meat sauce lasagna and the chocolate mouse cake dessert... and on the weekends they'd have a pizza dough tossing show... amaaaazing
I really miss my bestie =/
(Santa Cruz [Pacific Ave.], CA)


...corn beef n hash with sunny side up eggs, hash browns, wheat toast hold the butter, with a cup of coffee sitting across the booth from my dad... those breakfasts were the best...
I really miss my dad =/
(Oakland [Lake Merritt], CA)


...for food: crab melt on white lightly toasted... for ice cream: petite sundae with coffee ice cream unless its Christmas time... then I get peppermint ice cream.
(Oakland [Piedmont Ave.], CA)


...hash brown scattered, cheese eggs, cheddar grits, side of bacon, raisin toast, and if I have room, biscuits n gravy.... and if I don't have room it's okay cuz I'll just go back the next day... =)
I really miss my sissy =/
(The SOUTH hahha, U.S.A)

I dedicate this bloggy to my bestie ;) I ♥ n miss you bunches Adriana... hugs to Carlos too!

DAY 22

What makes you different from everyone else?

Well that's an easy one!... I am me, and you are you and that makes us different, no?!





















Actually I don't know what makes me different... I think I think some of the same things as other people, feel the same way about things the way others do, and I do things that are done by many...
I can only answer that no two people are the same.

DAY 21

A picture of something that makes you happy...

music is my religion...
"some people pray... I just turn up the volume..."

I would also like to say that coffee makes me very happy as well... but I'm sure you already know what a cup of coffee looks like...
and if you're at all interested; I like regular coffee not lattes, no frappes, no grande anything... just regular coffee with milk, no sugar.

DAY 20

Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future...

Ahhhhahahhahaha wow... that's laughable... Me? Get married? nope... not for me.
I don't believe in marriage. Does that mean I'm going to be a spinster lady with a million and 1 cats?! Hell to the naw! (people, don't get offended, this is a PERSONAL opinion here) I don't believe you need a piece of paper or recognition by the government or a church to validate the commitment of a relationship [I interject on myself... to be married WOULD however get you some nice tax breaks ;)]. I know myself... and I can be totally committed to a person without having to be married to him.

As far as who I see myself being with? I don't really know... I know that if I have kids, I'd want them to be adopted. So I suppose that's who I'll be with in the future... whether there's a man in my life doesn't really matter...




(...and ummm if you're wondering, the answer is yes, I always give my opinions so assuredly.)

DAY 19

Nicknames you have; why do you have them?

The only one that's ever really stuck was "Hunkachunk"
haha as you can see by the picture of me when I was little why my dad gave me that nickname. I had those chubby sausage link limbs and my dad always said I was a "hunk of a chunk" which got shortened to Hunkachunk.


Other nicknames:
Sugarloaf (again given to me by my Dad) When I understood what Hunkachunk meant i got mad so he started calling me Sugarloaf cause he said I was so sweet... but eventually it always came back to Hunkachunk

most others are just shortened versions of my name:
Ally, LiLi or Leesh

DAY 18

Plans/Goals/Dreams that you have...


Here's the PLAN Stan....
It looks like I'll be here in Taiwan for at least 2-3 years... depending, it may be longer. Who knows what the future holds?! I might just settle down here... at the moment I don't find that too likely. As long as my dad's around I think my heart will always want to go home to him.

The reason for the 2-3 year estimate is the fluency issue. The GOAL I suppose is to be as fluent as possible. They say it should take about 2-3 years for fluency and probably around 5 for literacy. And also to get my citizenship, but I think the language is actually going to be tougher to get.


My DREAM would be to win the lotto so I could buy my own private island and read books on the beach all day every day.

... but I don't play the lotto so I guess I'm shit outta luck.

heh, the problems with dreams are their own definition.

as of 10:00 AM (local time)

I'm okay, just a lot of wind and rain up here. Fanapi will pass through the middle of Taiwan. So I'm sending good thoughts out there way.