oh, what to do...

Ya know when you’re dreamin and you’re fallin then right before you hit the ground you wake up with a start… you take the first deep breath… and realize it was just a dream, you’re ok, you just had a dream and everything is alright…

yeah… I feel like that second before I can take a breath some invisible emotion ninjas a judo chop straight to the neck and I just can’t breath

Went to go pick up the letter of clearance from the office on Monday and I went to the Immigration office yesterday…

ROUND 2 *DING *DING

You guys don’t even know… I saw the lady there from last time… the one who made me cry… no joke my heart sank… then started to quicken… I even started perspiring.

I saw there was another guy working and was hoping and praying to all things shiny and pretty that he’d be the one to help me…

The number was on 185 and I was holding ticket number 190 and watching her deal with other people she seemed to be in a better mood… no more pleasant than last time… but at least she wasn’t yelling.

The guy was on 189 and I was thinkin YUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSS He’ll be able to help me… the lady he was with got up (I exhale a sigh of relief) took two steps towards the door, AND THEN she turned around, sat down and started talking to him again…

I felt like she took my ice cream cone and threw it into the street… my heart started pounding because the woman clicked her buzzer and she had my number flashing above her desk.

I sat down with all the paper work… stupid enough to think that I had everything…

She filed through the papers then suddenly looked up at me (speaking in Chinese) said I was missing something, some information that has to do with my mother… in my head I’m reaching across the desk to slap her across the face.

I ask what it is, she continues to speak in Chinese, I tell her IN CHINESE I don’t understand, then she writes it down for me… AS IF THAT HELPS… SERIOUSLY!?!? IF I DIDN’T UNDERTSAND IT SPOKEN WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I UNDERSTAND IT IF IT’S WRITTEN YOU DUMB UGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I didn’t bother with her... I grab my things and get out… fish around for my phone and I call my Uncle Henry but I can barely get out 2 sentences before I start crying, I couldn’t help it.

Later that day I met up with my girls to go to the gym… it was a good thing that I could go, blow off some steam, sweat out the disappointment and laugh it off with my friends..

(I’ll explain the gym goin a lil laters…)

Anyway I was talking to my friend/trainer about what had happened and she said it is very common for people who work at the immigration office to make the immigration process as hard and painful as possible on people. Apparently it what brings them pleasure in life. She said it happens especially to non-Chinese speakers who go to the immigration office alone.

After talkin to my uncle and having him reassure me that next time someone will be with me and talkin to my friend it made me feel a bit better.

... so lemme 'splain the gyyymmmnesss and school...

Ahhh, my old enemy… school. I can honestly say that I’m happy not being in school. Not that I don’t love learning and I actually enjoy learning Chinese I just think right now it’s not very helpful… why? I mean yes, I learn everything that’s assigned and words and grammar but I’m not able to use it outside of the class. And without using it, it well, becomes useless. Here’s the sitch, I don’t see my family enough to practice it with them, all my friends speak English and that pretty much it…

I have a couple of Taiwanese friends but they’re all busy and most of the time when I see them, they want to practice their English so, what is a girl to do? I guess I could just keep going to school but that’s money…

Now that I’m not in school, I forced a bit more to speak and understand things outside of the confines of the textbooks… and I must say I’m happy and I’m sad…

I’m happy to realize that I understand what’s being said to me but I’m sad I can’t say anything in response… my go to responses here are

嗯

(sound of assent)

是[的]

(yes,[depending on how formal])

知道

(I know/understand)

我明白

(I understand)

OK啦

(OK/sure)

People have kinda stopped expecting me to speak Chinese. My family now only asks me yes or no questions or if they ask a question that requires a bit of an explanation and I take too long to answer they’ll answer it for me or proffer a choice of answers.

People don’t require me to speak… so speaking is definitely my weak point… but I can understand a good amount of what is said to me… it’s a bit frustrating but I’m still happy that I can understand.

So what am I doin now that I’m not in school?! Well take the two hours I would've spent in class and apply that to the gym… yup I’ve become a gym rat… and lemme tell you, when people say you get addicted to the gym… yeeeeahhhhno not me… I hate it… hahahah

I’m learnin to like it but I still hate goin, I hate being on a treadmill runnin nowhere, I hate sweating, and I hate all the skinny people at the gym…

The plan was to go to the gym between now and the time I come home… hopefully lose some weight so I can come home and enjoy all the food I’ve missed guilt free…

hahahhaha kinda like losing the weight so when I gain it back I won’t feel too bad hahahahha

I kinda wanted the weight loss to be a bit of a surprise but we all know I can’t keep my mouth shut hahahah…

So I’m in the gym usually for 2 hours a day…

(I think I’m getting into my 3^rd week) so I started with 4 days straight (seriously thought I was goin to die, and took the day of the Mid-Autumn festival off) then I went for another 4 days straight then took off a day, then i went for 5... and i'm at 5 again..and when I’m feeling up to it maybe a 6^th. The goal is to get to a point when I have the stamina to go 6 days a week. It’s getting there, slowly but it's getting there.


THE WORKOUT :]

I’m on the treadmill for half n hour (speed walkin to warm up, then runnin for 20 minutes then back to walkin to cool down)

Then I go to the elliptical machine and I just try to keep my heart rate up for half an hour.

Then I hit up the weight machines for 40 minutes or so, mostly focusing on the flabby part of my arms, jiggly thighs and strengthening my back and stomach (that’s mostly for the support of my back so I hopefully will never have to have back surgery again…)

and that’s pretty much it.

I have a lovely group of friends who come with me to the gym… 2 girls and a guy… usually at least one is with me but don’t fret my pets, I still go even if I go by myself.

A trainer that belongs to the gym has taken an interest in our little foreign group and helps us with advice and how to properly work the weight machines.

She actually told me to flip my routine around… weights first then cardio...

So I’m on the flip routine… but what I did was flipped it and then halved it… ahahha confused? It’s like this now… half hour weights… half hour cardio… 20 minutes of weights… half hour of cardio… 10 minutes of stretching… ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

NEWSFLASH: Just talked it out with my cousin… I will go to the office tomorrow figure out what I need, and then head to the immigration office. After I go I will hopefully be able to write a post about coming home? Not coming home? Le sigh… I don’t even know… right now I feel like because someone is telling me that I can’t come home it just makes me want to come home and never come back… but then I think of how much I love Taiwan and my family here and what it would be like if I just stayed, got a job, and then who knows…

But that’s the point of life right??? Who knows what’s goin to happen?