failing life's lessons, quarter life crisis, and school

Ellooo world!

Let me just say that even though the title may look like a precursor to a blog full of "wah's" and "poor me's" lemme just tell you now... it wont be. I mean shit... it happens to everyone... this time, my turn was up. That's just how it is.

So onto the bizzz....

Remember how I told you that I had a couple of job offers? Well what the situation ended up being me asking one (Hess) to wait list me till November and I turned down the other. With Hess I am wait listed but that does not guarantee me a spot in November. I had turned down the job at AGKsion because I did not feel prepare,d as a first time teacher, to teach at a school that does not provide a curriculum or teaching materials.

When I had told my uncle (he's pretty much the Boss) he told me I should have taken the offer, which I had turned down THAT morning.... kinda scared and not wanting to interrupt him he explained it to me like this:

"A single bird in your hand is worth more than a thousand in the forest."

What he meant is... the job was guaranteed and I should have accepted the position regardless if I was ready to take it on or not BECAUSE I don't know if I'll have a job with Hess in November.

After he had said all of this, my only thought was, "Oh shit, did I just fu@k shit up?"

There was NO way I was gonna call AGKsion and ask to be hired back after rejecting their offer. Ummmm especially since the lady coordinator person got HELLA mad when I turned it down.

life lesson grade: a big fat F

Even though taking the job is what I should have done... I don't regret turning down the position.


I was trying to talk to my dad a couple ofnights ago (not about my life crisis haha but ya know... just shootin the shit n whatnot) well anyway I couldn't help but to cry a little... the realization that the situation is the same and its just the location that's changed just sank in all at once.

I love being in Taiwan. I will never regret making this move (does this mean I'm staying here forever??? I don't know... yet) but as stated previously... my situation hasn't changed just my location.

I'm going with the flow but I have absolutely NO DIRECTION.

I don't know what I want to do with my life. I have no career in mind which I think is the main problem. Without a clue of what I want to do, everything that I AM doing in the mean time is just kinda ... well I don't know what I would call it.

I think I know myself pretty well... if I have a direction, if I know what I want, I'll move forward, do what needs to be done so I can accomplish my goal. But for right now I'm in the dark without a light, or a match, or even a cell phone to light the way. I envy those who know what they want to do...

I guess anyone can say that I could be doing ANYTHING I want as long as I put my mind to it... but what exactly does that mean?

What I would want to do... is what I would want to do and I don't know what I want to do... so where exactly does that leave me???

For right now, I'm okay with just going to school... focusing on learning the language. I hope that some light is shed so that I might see a potential path that I could take into my future...


SCHOOL....

ahhh school... its a love/hate relationship... I love to learn... I hate the stress.

I didn't know that my school was going to take up SOOO much time... but it's okay since I'm not working ahahha.I have required class M-F for 2 hrs/day then MTC requires an additional 5 hours of a supplementary class (of my choosing) each week.

As one my supplementary classes I'm looking into taking Taiwanese (for those of you who aren't familiar with my country... Mandarin is the national language... thanks mainland China... but mostly everyone knows Taiwanese too. It sounds NOTHING like Mandarin/Cantonese... where those languages have 4 tones... Taiwanese has 8 I think) My TW Ama pretty much only speaks Taiwanese and I would love to be able to speak to both my TW Ama and my SF Ama.

In a way I think I'm doing this (learning Chinese I mean) in part so that I might finally be able to talk to my grandma. She's been in my life since DAY 1 and I have never been able to have an actual conversation with her. I feel like I've missed out on a very special relationship. I hope to rectify that soon... and on that day... I will most likely cry... hahahha

Well.. I don't know if there's anything else I need to update on... and again if you wanna know something... or if I'm leaving anything out... comment and I'll try and get up on it!

till the next post... ♥