the fear of being forgotten...

After talking to my friend Mabel, I think I've figured something out...

Ya know how I've been all sad face cuz I don't have any friends here? Well I've come to the conclusion that I'm being silly and that being so lonely here is only my temporary state of being and it will soon pass, of that I'm now sure.

I think the underlying problem I'm facing is FEAR (WOO-PAH!!! busted out that psychology shiz on yall, hella ninja, I know)

I'm afraid that too much time will pass with me not present in the lives of the people I love...
I'm afraid I'll be forgotten...
I'm afraid my place in peoples live will be replaced...
I'm afraid that I won't be thought of...

(I know, I know, "no envy and no fear" but its hard to be that way ALL the time...)

I have to laugh at myself because I know better... I know no matter what I say or how I feel about it things will and would have changed eventually with or without me there.

(And I don't want anyone to tell me it'll be the same when I get back, let's be honest here folks.)

As far as I know, I wont be home for at least a year...I will not be there for family get togethers, parties with friends, birthdays, holidays, etc. I mean my goodness my baby cousin will be 2ish before I see him again. He'll be walkin and baby talkin and have no clue who I am.

What I think might be worse is not the good times I'll be missing out on but the bad. For me I know its the people that stuck with me through the worst times in my life that are the closest to me. I want to be there when there's a crisis in the family or lend a shoulder to a friend to cry on when somethings gone horribly wrong in their life. I mean shit, while I'm at it, I would like a hug from a friend if I'm having a craptastic day... (people here aren't really the hugging type).

I know that I really have no control over this, it's just how I feel and please be kind... I don't usually own up to my fears nor do I let the whole world know that I like to feel needed. I should consider myself lucky now that almost everyone can connect via the internet... but the connection isn't the same...

___________________________________________

Now I've actually had a request (thank you properlyinpursuit) to give you guys a little taste of the what the folks here are like in Taiwan.


I know it's been pretty absent from my blog but weirdly enough... writing about people was the hardest part of Anthropology for me. Everything else...
Observing was fine... if at times really boring.
Learning another culture... the most amazing gift ever.
Writing... ugh, bleh, and yuck.

As part of our jobs as Anthropologists is to immerse ourselves then to report a peoples culture. It just seemed wrong to me... scrutinizing and boiling it down into generalizations to make it simple so that it can be fit into a book... bleh... not really feelin it... AND THEN what happens is that its presented as objective science, free from opinion and judgements... and well that's just plain ol dumb to me...

To be an anthropologist you need a focus... that focus creates a skew in the vision in which you see your "subjects"... this skewed vision is then presented to viewers/readers like a one dimensional, vanilla, this-is-it representation of the people you study... and that is why Anthropology is SO frustrating...on one hand, no other field will allow you to totally immerse yourself in a culture and the chance to do that is SO rewarding and then on the other I end up feeling like shit when I have to write about it.

ugh... and that's how I feel about Anthropology... it's a love/hate relationship

_______________________

OK so most of the things I'm talking about are going to be pretty superficial... mostly outward appearance and public mannerism... I'll give you what I can. =]

• Fashion reigns supreme here for the young folks.
  I have yet to figure out exactly how people put their fits together... I have noticed that its more or less focused on trends; like the shoes: gladiator sandals, or the accessories: fake glasses and necklaces with big blingy pendants, and for clothes: rompers and one pieces AND something similar to parachute pants. It seems like as long as you have all of those in your outfit AT THE SAME TIME- You've got it goin on!
  
  (PERSONAL OPINION::: everyone looks like they got dressed in the dark)
  
  :::(real life)EXAMPLE:::
  

  • camo cut off shorts
  • white and pink flannel button down
  • yellow and gray striped fitted tissue tee
  • white and black houndstooth bra
  • black, whit, red, and gray Azumo trainers

  (yuck, bleh and ugghhhhhhh)
  
  
  
• You ever hear dress your age? Um. Yeah, doesn't apply here.
  Well I guess in their defense people just don't seem to age here.
  
• Guys have murses/messenger bags here and they are also very comfortable holding their girlfriends purses here and/or their dog in those little carrying cases
  
• Hair and accessories are important to both GIRLS and BOYS (equally so if I might add.)
• Most girls sport colored contacts and false eyelashes.
• I would say more than half dye or perm their hair (They have this interesting type of CRIMP perm/// but they only do the first 3-4 inches of hair starting at the root... this is to give the impression of volume without having to backcomb)
• Paleness of skin and being thin are highly praised. Both are used as standards of beauty.
  (PERSONAL OPINION::: everyone seems to be on a diet and quietly refuses to go the gym... this is not all folk there are quite a few who are gym addicts too.)
  
• CLEAVAGE is a BIG BIG NO NO... but show as much leg as you want.
  
  Yupppp.... Saw a lady with a dress so short I should see her underbutt cleavage. No one even batted an eye at her. I had a dress on that showed off the girls and my Auntie told me I was gonna get raped... true story.
  So fellas, if ya have a thing for stems... come on over!
• (I know a lot of people are gonna be like GROSS but please keep in mind I'm only pointing out the obvious things you'd first notice if you came here from the U.S.)
  
  In public it is perfectly acceptable to do the following:
  
  • burp/fart
  • pick your nose
  • dig in your ear
  • take your shoes off in public
  • cough/sneeze without covering your mouth
  • they don't say anything when you sneeze
  • most folks do not shake hands as a greeting (A polite bow is acceptable and its equivalent)
  • when you address someone address the oldest first (although if you greet your acquaintance first that is also acceptable)
  • always accept business cards with both hand (and NEVER write on it)
  • do NOT touch/pat a child on their head... its bad juju
    
    
    
    
• I cannot stress this enough... FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO TAIWANESE PEOPLE... they are very few, if anything, people would put ahead of their family. You must honor, respect, obey, and be loyal to your parents.
  
• Taiwanese folks are the most kind and generous people you'll ever meet! They'll go out of their way to help you out.... I had a lady share her umbrella with me during a sudden downpour and she walked me to the door of the building. That girl was a SWEETie pie...
  Warning... (kinda funny too) those same people will not hesitate to push you or cut in line in front of you to get on a bus, train, or to pay for lunch... =D hahah don't make sense huh? yeah, I'm still working on figuring it out.

Well folks... as soon as I start talking to people I'll let you know whats up.... As far as why I don't think anyone HAS talked to me... I think it's a combination of fear and shyness.

Most young people have taken English classes since Jr. High school but aren't confident enough to talk to English speakers. Some English speakers forget to slow down so the kids can decipher the words. But when they forget to slow down it makes them all flustered and unwilling to talk.
The older people definitely have very little exposure to any sort of environment where they would use or learn English.

A lot of the food vendors are the on the older side. When I first moved into my place I'm sure they thought I was just another foreigner that was passing through or probably one that got lost. Eventually they got used to seeing me; smiling and even waving when I would leave or come home and trying to help a sistah out when shes trying to eat...

As far as my learning Chinese??? I think the words are all settling themselves in my brain... I understand more and more everyday... but with no one to practice with, speaking is definitely going to be my hardest challenge (oh and I will not even talk about being literate... oh boy!)

Until next time... 加油!!!