a year... a year... a year... a year... a year... a year... is up

here’s a doozy for you… I want to come home… I’m not… but I want to… I won’t… but I want to…


I know yall prolly thinkin ‘ahhhhhh good gawd, she’s done gone crazy’
Yeeeea, prolly… it’s a mental Rubik’s cube up there…


Let me just tell you that my mind looked something like Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for the past week… little orange men running around… golden egg laying geese… fat kids getting stuck in a chocolate transport tube (makes for GREAT chocolate milk though)… a man that resembles the mad hatter has also appeared to stir every pot of emotions and nougatty junk I got…


Like a Chuck Norris kick to the soul I was completely floored by a serious case of homesickness…. like no joke… I haven’t left my room in 4 days…
did I cry… yes…
was it a sad sight to see… definitely…
completely pathetic... absolutely…


I don’t even know what brought it on but the next thing I know… I’m inexplicably angry at my friends… picking at the smallest thing… attitudes bigger than those ridiculous Kentucky derby hats…


Just like the shiny light bulb going off… (well I suppose it’d be a pretty dim light bulb seeing as how long it took me to figure this one out)


In 10 days it will mark exactly one year from when I left home…
a year since I’ve last hugged my dad
a year since I’ve driven Monster
a year since I’ve eaten my favorite foods, or driven down to Santa Cruz, or chill on the couch with my friends, work with all my favorites at Sushi House…
a year since I’ve done all those small things that amount to so much… all the things that make me oh so happy…


In the past year, I’ve missed so much… my uncle had his first child… my cousin got hitched… my cousins wife is now expecting their second child… a little baby girl… my best friend had her baby… a beautiful baby boy… and my sister moved home… it seems like the moment I bowed out… all these new players stepped in and all I want is a turn around the floor with them…
I guess moving on to less depressing things…


A new quarter


Boy this new stuff is kicking my ass… last quarter having already gone through it once made it a little easier for my nonporous brain to absorb the information… but by all means it wasn’t a cake walk… I mean if it was... you’d at least get a cake out of it… and some Chinese


Getting this new stuff in my brain is like trying to start a car after it’s sat in the garage unused for 5 years… I feel all my gears catching and it’s just… I’m just sput… sput… sputtering…


I’ll make it… I always will… it’s just I feel weighed down a little… a lot


All my classmates are pretty awesome… we’ve got 3 girls from Indonesia… my friend from Palau, a Canadian, a Japanese fella, a girl from Vietnam… and a lady from Mongolia… (it makes me miss my MGL girls back at Sushi House) then of course ME =D
It’s a pretty fun class… I feel like I laugh a lot… and the teacher seems on top of us about speaking more… and dropping the English once class starts… and that’s definitely a good thing for me. I’m back to the 10-12 slot... although it would still be tough for me to get to my uncle before 1 it’s still an improvement if I wanted to try and catch them for lunch.




Le Siggggggggggggggh…. Happy Father’s Day… 


I had to wait until the 20th so it would be the 19th back in California so I could wish my daddy a Happy Father’s Day…


I just got done talkin to my dad… yes I cried… feel free to judge… I don’t really care… I’m homesick… I miss my daddy… I hurt


But it’s always the words from Dad that calm my heart a little so it’s not as spastic… bippity piddy boppity pidder paddy bib bop padder… just like that.. He reminded me that being here is for the benefit of me… that in my life I should and always will be #1… and even though I’m sacrificing time with my family back in California (he didn’t say time exactly… just that I was sacrificing things…) but my family understands and they’ll be there when I get home… and assures me that he misses me.


In a lot of ways it made me feel better and worse… better knowing that the place I have in my family’s heart is unchanged, sad to know that I’ve sacrificed any time I could’ve spent with my family…


As you all know how I feel about time… it’s nothing I want to waste.


After getting off the phone with my dad… I phone my best friend to see if I could get a hold of her husband to wish him a very Happy First Father’s Day. (and yes I cried during this phone call too… feel free to judge… I’ve been a cry baby, I know it…) He was already at work by the time she woke up so she didn’t even get to wish him a Father’s Day yet… well anywho... my bestie is fan-frikkin-tabulous… she says something that just triggers a mini-piphany


on to my mini-piphany… (I give you permission to use my word)… 


maybe I’m bein all grumpy pants because I feel I haven’t accomplished anything here yet…
Maybe that’s the reason I feel like I can’t go home yet
Maybe that’s the reason I feel like I’ve been wasting my time here (and dying to be with my family at home)
Maybe that’s the reason I’ve got tude bigger than a Texan’s church hair


It all boils down to my worth not being proven of any value here in Taiwan… and I’m realizing is pretty damaging to the spirit, confidence, and all that psych junk…


Anyway…. Its 2 in the AM and I’ve got class in 8 hours… I wanted to get SOMETHING up… but I’m not done yet… I’ll just write an addition tomorrow…


I want to dedicated this post first and foremost to my dad for Father’s Day
Then my bestie… Adriana, her husband Carlos, and my little bean Jayden
And lastly Willy Wonka… and if you don’t get that the last one is a joke… remind me to thump you on the forehead when I get home…


Stay tuned folks… tomorrow I will be talkin… TW fashion… the nitty gritty on friends… boyfriends slash husbands?!?! The birds got a new name… and OH yeah, I still need to tell yall bout the wedddddding… plus ill try n get some pictures up =D


good night, good morning, good afternoon ily ♥