tears...

I don't know if I was just remembering a dream that I had last night but the first thought I had when I woke up this morning was the thought of having to say goodbye to my dad at the airport come this summer. I just couldn't help it... I curled myself into a ball and cried my little eyes out.

My mom is coming with me and my sisters are already in another state but my dad... sigh... I feel like I'm leaving him behind. Thinking about it makes me sad and I can already feel the tears welling up my eyes. He's my favorite guy in the whole world. Never a discouraging word about the adventure that lies ahead of me. Hopeful that this will be the point in my life when everything changes for the better. And the saddest thing is is that he wont be near me when any of it happens. Everyone has been saying that I'm brave and strong for attempting to do this big move but I really draw my strength from him because he's literally my Superman, I've seen his fingers get closed in a car door and he didn't even scream... just say calmly, "Alicia, will you please open the door." There is not one person I know who wouldn't call me a Daddy's Girl.

as for any other progress towards my departure... I feel kind of stalled...

• We have yet to purchase our tickets or even set a date

• My mom has not renewed her passport (she's waiting till her Spring Break)

• I've bought my Chinese dictionary and a Rough Guide to Taiwan and graph notebooks to start doing writing drills... but have yet to start

SMH... and encouragement seems to be in short supply... it's always "It's going to be tough" "You don't know the language and culture" "You'll get taken advantage of" "You're going to be ALL alone"... haha "You might have to prostitute yourself" (that one made me laugh)

I understand all of this... I do. Believe me when I say that those things are very present in my mind. I have faith in myself, conviction and courage to know that I can do this but hearing it from a friend doesn't hurt either. (This is NOT a solicitation of praise or encouragement esp. those of which are feigned and/or insincere)


that is all for today...