oh, what to do...

Ya know when you’re dreamin and you’re fallin then right before you hit the ground you wake up with a start… you take the first deep breath… and realize it was just a dream, you’re ok, you just had a dream and everything is alright…

yeah… I feel like that second before I can take a breath some invisible emotion ninjas a judo chop straight to the neck and I just can’t breath

Went to go pick up the letter of clearance from the office on Monday and I went to the Immigration office yesterday…

ROUND 2 *DING *DING

You guys don’t even know… I saw the lady there from last time… the one who made me cry… no joke my heart sank… then started to quicken… I even started perspiring.

I saw there was another guy working and was hoping and praying to all things shiny and pretty that he’d be the one to help me…

The number was on 185 and I was holding ticket number 190 and watching her deal with other people she seemed to be in a better mood… no more pleasant than last time… but at least she wasn’t yelling.

The guy was on 189 and I was thinkin YUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSS He’ll be able to help me… the lady he was with got up (I exhale a sigh of relief) took two steps towards the door, AND THEN she turned around, sat down and started talking to him again…

I felt like she took my ice cream cone and threw it into the street… my heart started pounding because the woman clicked her buzzer and she had my number flashing above her desk.

I sat down with all the paper work… stupid enough to think that I had everything…

She filed through the papers then suddenly looked up at me (speaking in Chinese) said I was missing something, some information that has to do with my mother… in my head I’m reaching across the desk to slap her across the face.

I ask what it is, she continues to speak in Chinese, I tell her IN CHINESE I don’t understand, then she writes it down for me… AS IF THAT HELPS… SERIOUSLY!?!? IF I DIDN’T UNDERTSAND IT SPOKEN WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I UNDERSTAND IT IF IT’S WRITTEN YOU DUMB UGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I didn’t bother with her... I grab my things and get out… fish around for my phone and I call my Uncle Henry but I can barely get out 2 sentences before I start crying, I couldn’t help it.

Later that day I met up with my girls to go to the gym… it was a good thing that I could go, blow off some steam, sweat out the disappointment and laugh it off with my friends..

(I’ll explain the gym goin a lil laters…)

Anyway I was talking to my friend/trainer about what had happened and she said it is very common for people who work at the immigration office to make the immigration process as hard and painful as possible on people. Apparently it what brings them pleasure in life. She said it happens especially to non-Chinese speakers who go to the immigration office alone.

After talkin to my uncle and having him reassure me that next time someone will be with me and talkin to my friend it made me feel a bit better.

... so lemme 'splain the gyyymmmnesss and school...

Ahhh, my old enemy… school. I can honestly say that I’m happy not being in school. Not that I don’t love learning and I actually enjoy learning Chinese I just think right now it’s not very helpful… why? I mean yes, I learn everything that’s assigned and words and grammar but I’m not able to use it outside of the class. And without using it, it well, becomes useless. Here’s the sitch, I don’t see my family enough to practice it with them, all my friends speak English and that pretty much it…

I have a couple of Taiwanese friends but they’re all busy and most of the time when I see them, they want to practice their English so, what is a girl to do? I guess I could just keep going to school but that’s money…

Now that I’m not in school, I forced a bit more to speak and understand things outside of the confines of the textbooks… and I must say I’m happy and I’m sad…

I’m happy to realize that I understand what’s being said to me but I’m sad I can’t say anything in response… my go to responses here are

嗯

(sound of assent)

是[的]

(yes,[depending on how formal])

知道

(I know/understand)

我明白

(I understand)

OK啦

(OK/sure)

People have kinda stopped expecting me to speak Chinese. My family now only asks me yes or no questions or if they ask a question that requires a bit of an explanation and I take too long to answer they’ll answer it for me or proffer a choice of answers.

People don’t require me to speak… so speaking is definitely my weak point… but I can understand a good amount of what is said to me… it’s a bit frustrating but I’m still happy that I can understand.

So what am I doin now that I’m not in school?! Well take the two hours I would've spent in class and apply that to the gym… yup I’ve become a gym rat… and lemme tell you, when people say you get addicted to the gym… yeeeeahhhhno not me… I hate it… hahahah

I’m learnin to like it but I still hate goin, I hate being on a treadmill runnin nowhere, I hate sweating, and I hate all the skinny people at the gym…

The plan was to go to the gym between now and the time I come home… hopefully lose some weight so I can come home and enjoy all the food I’ve missed guilt free…

hahahhaha kinda like losing the weight so when I gain it back I won’t feel too bad hahahahha

I kinda wanted the weight loss to be a bit of a surprise but we all know I can’t keep my mouth shut hahahah…

So I’m in the gym usually for 2 hours a day…

(I think I’m getting into my 3^rd week) so I started with 4 days straight (seriously thought I was goin to die, and took the day of the Mid-Autumn festival off) then I went for another 4 days straight then took off a day, then i went for 5... and i'm at 5 again..and when I’m feeling up to it maybe a 6^th. The goal is to get to a point when I have the stamina to go 6 days a week. It’s getting there, slowly but it's getting there.


THE WORKOUT :]

I’m on the treadmill for half n hour (speed walkin to warm up, then runnin for 20 minutes then back to walkin to cool down)

Then I go to the elliptical machine and I just try to keep my heart rate up for half an hour.

Then I hit up the weight machines for 40 minutes or so, mostly focusing on the flabby part of my arms, jiggly thighs and strengthening my back and stomach (that’s mostly for the support of my back so I hopefully will never have to have back surgery again…)

and that’s pretty much it.

I have a lovely group of friends who come with me to the gym… 2 girls and a guy… usually at least one is with me but don’t fret my pets, I still go even if I go by myself.

A trainer that belongs to the gym has taken an interest in our little foreign group and helps us with advice and how to properly work the weight machines.

She actually told me to flip my routine around… weights first then cardio...

So I’m on the flip routine… but what I did was flipped it and then halved it… ahahha confused? It’s like this now… half hour weights… half hour cardio… 20 minutes of weights… half hour of cardio… 10 minutes of stretching… ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

NEWSFLASH: Just talked it out with my cousin… I will go to the office tomorrow figure out what I need, and then head to the immigration office. After I go I will hopefully be able to write a post about coming home? Not coming home? Le sigh… I don’t even know… right now I feel like because someone is telling me that I can’t come home it just makes me want to come home and never come back… but then I think of how much I love Taiwan and my family here and what it would be like if I just stayed, got a job, and then who knows…

But that’s the point of life right??? Who knows what’s goin to happen?

wicked witch of the immigration office... yuuup straighhhht betch

Ok so obviously if anyone wanted almost immediate updates on my life, this wouldn’t be the place to check… it would be Facebook… so some people already know what happened... if you already know, no need to bore yourself with the same ol story...

So it was a hot minute ago that I went to the immigration office to inquire about what I needed for my application. I was helped by a guy who was really nice and apologetic that he wasn’t able to communicate with me in English, so that day I walked away with a list of things I needed (you can see the list in the last post)

So I get my mom’s ID and go to the hospital to get my health check (turns out I was missing a Mumps, Measles, and Rubella vaccine so I had to get one of those too… and boy did that shiz hurt! I wait 8 days for the results… you’ve got a healthy baby girl yall… everything checked out, had everything I needed and didn’t have the ickies, so I was ready to turn in my application. Woo yay!

I head over to the immigration office and was helped by the Wicked Witch’s more evil step sister who was still bitter from jipped in the family will… she took my application and the list and made sure everything was there… then like a rogue sniper honing in on his target…. She sees my birthday and accusingly half-yells, ‘You’re not 20’

[mind you this entire time she’s speaking in Chinese and when I try to explain to her I’m only getting half of what she’s saying, she doesn’t care and continues on…]

So I’m on a quick path to if you don’t calm the eff down I might involuntarily reach across this desk and slap you but I reign it in and tell her, ‘No I’m 25’

Very curtly she tells me I have the wrong list, promptly gets up and leaves, she comes back with a sheet of paper, circles (what I’m guessing is the section of required items I need) slaps the paper in front of me and tells me to leave and not come back till I have everything on the list. (She didn’t even try to explain the list in Chinese)

Stunned I grab the list and my things and leave… it wasn’t until I sat down at the bus stop that I even realized I was crying. (felt a bit bad for the lady sitting next to me… I think I freaked her out)

I was angry and upset and just a bunch of things… I felt like someone told me I wasn’t wanted here and I couldn’t go home either… it’s probably one of the worst feelings I’ve ever had. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place…

2 weeks ago was 中秋節 (Mid-Autumn Festival… it’s the festival where you eat calorie packed moon cakes and yummy delicious pomelos… they’re shaped like a giant pear have the husk of a grapefruit but the meat itself is sweet) I spent a lovely evening with my family and got to hang out with my cousin and his very pregnant, very cute wife (they say they’re going to have a girl) and you better believe that she’s going to be SO spoiled.

Well, I had brought the list with me to have my uncle explain what I needed. It turns out I had everything on the list except a letter of clearance from the Police department AND I didn’t even need my mom’s ID (so I’m sorry Mommy for making you send it all the way here). Oh, for those of you who don’t know what a letter of clearance is it’s just an official document that sates that during my time here in Taiwan, I’ve had no felonies, misdemeanors, or arrests. (Yup that’s pretty much it, I had to get one from Alameda county before I moved here too… but we all know I’ve got a clean record… I’m a good girl)

So after dinner we tried to hit up the precinct closest to Grandma’s house. (Since my permanent address is in Badu my letter of clearance has to come from Keelung county) but when we asked if we were able to get it there… they said we’d have to go the police headquarters in Keelung City during weekday office hours. My cousin was willing to take me later in the week to get it.

So couple days later we’re in Keelung at the police headquarters trying to get my letter of clearance but it wouldn’t be ready till the next day so I’d have to come back to pick it up, which wouldn’t have been a problem but my cousin was smart enough to ask if they can mail it, and so that was our plan of attack. I just got word from my cousin’s wife yesterday that it just arrived at the office and I can pick it up any time.

YOU GUYS you know what that means?!?!? That’s the last thing I need for my application (well that and 600 NTDollars) once I turn that in I can get my Taiwan ID and once I have my Taiwan ID I can reapply for my Taiwan passport!!!

Oh how I wish I can tell you that the day I get my Taiwan passport I’ll also be buying a plane ticket home but that’s something I just can’t say right now… I’ll explain it a little later in the post… I think I need some happy subject to switch it up… you should also probably take a break… walk around… have some fruit, stretch a little… I know it’s a lot to take it all at once.

I told my dad what happened with the lady at the immigration office and of course his words make total sense... he's always said,

"Alicia, you're always going to run into rude people no matter where you are. Someone will always come along to ruin your day. It's just up to you on how you handle it...

but that lady was just bein a bitch!"

I love my dad so much, only he'd say shit like that, and it seriously was the only thing that made me feel better about the situation.

I know I'll always come across people like that, people won't always be kind or helpful or understanding... but I will always be me. So that means being kind and helpful and understanding... (or at least I try to be)

as for what other people so... it will only affect me as much as I let it...

(I've written more but I think I should break it down into separate posts for the sake and health of your eyeballs)

writing writing... crying... writing

sometimes...

i wish Taiwan had "normal" people sizes...




i wish Taiwan didn't think "normal" was a size 2...




one size does not fit all... and 'free' sizes don't make me feel free at all.




算了... 算了... 算了... 我該別想太多了吧...

there are no words for this sadness

i've lost

Kansas

a moment of silence

please.

you will be missed

whole lotta...

So where should I start with this one?!

I had been writing bits n pieces since before my birthday and never really fleshed anything out, so now I’m sitting in Starbucks trying to get the whole of last month down …

Lets go with the oldest first…

It was maybe a couple of weeks ago I remember having lunch plans with a friend that were canceled, well later that evening I was suppose to meet up with my baby cousin for some fam bam bonding time… but I was so famished I resorted to… le gasp…

eating by myself…

I guess there’s no particular reason as to why I’m writing about this and I’m not goin to write about what it’s like to eat by oneself. It’s not that I’m not ok with eating by myself, it’s just the looks I get from people when I do.

I can see the pity in people’s eyes when they see this lonely foreigner eating by herself. I don’t know why but here it seems as if the sadness I can see in their faces could drown me… but when I eat by myself back home and I get a similar look, it never feels so heavy… it may just be, being the brown girl that I am, I just stick out too much? The way people look at me makes me feel like they think they looking through a window that’s just been cleaned with Windex. But they don’t really see me… not really.

But ya know as the ancient Tibetan philosophy states, What you eat, don’t make me shit… or maybe that was Jay-Z.

Ahhhhhhh speaking of being a brown girl… I GOTS MUH COLUUURRRR BACCKKK!!!

I’ve never been so happy to see tan lines in MY LIFE! I got my dad on Skype video chat just to show him and he happily reinstated my color status back to “paper sack tan” which is a BIG step up from calling me Casper… yeah, not cute hahaha

A couple of weeks ago was Chinese Valentine's Day (7/14 by the Lunar calendar), so of course the fam was headed to grandmas!

When I was on the way to grandmother’s house I ran into a thought…. What?! You thought I was gonna say a big bad wolf? Trust me aint nothing scarier than me lurkin round the cuts outside the city.

...

As I’m sitting on the train: the moment I realize I’m daydreaming about home a train that passes in the opposite directions snaps me back to reality…

So that lil blurb written above was taken from my iTouch notes... and as I reread the words I wrote, I know… or rather… I’m made aware of just how much I miss home.

But then *PING* I have another thought… I’ve fallen in love with the sound of trains rolling over tracks. Not that annoying beeping crossing bell signal thingy (like you’d hear if you got  caught on 4^th Ave. right before you get to the 880 on ramp). 

Just so we're clear here, no on the clang clang clang of the signal but yes to the steady click click click of the wheels rolling over where the railroad ties meet each other.

Marinating on the subject a bit more… it’s actually the first sound that provided a constant of sorts to my life here. The home I stayed in for the first month when I first arrived here in Taiwan was situated behind the train station in Badu. I had the room closest to the train station (probably no more than a football fields’ length away). Ya know back home it wouldn’t be hard to hear the sounds of cars flying down 580 right before they get to the Park Blvd. exit so it was comforting knowin the sound of cicadas in the summer wouldn’t be the only things to sing me to sleep. It was nice, I was grateful for the sound of the trains.

Onto other shizzzzz, like my BIRTHDAY!

Ok so it’s been almost a month since my 25^th birthday. So I won’t go into too much detail… just know it was wonderful and I love all my friends =)

I didn’t really do anything too special, I went to class, was even a good girl and went to do lab hours after a fabulous sushi lunch.

Later for dinner I met up with some friends at HOOTERS! Yup it was fun, had wings and beer. I’m not one to brag and I’m not even trying to but I put them Hooters girls to shame… it was kinda sad.

Anyway they pulled me up for a hula hoopin contest and to dance the cha cha slide for my birthday and it was tons of fun.

SUBJECT CHANGE! BAM… like whhaaaaaaaa

theories and PDA go hand in hand, heh heh you see what i did there?

Hahahhahaha I believe I’ve already complained about the overly PDA’d couples here in Taiwan. If I haven’t it’s just on overload, overdrive and just over excessive here. And it’s not even making out in public it’s just all the constant touching and the brushing each other’s hair, and dressing alike, dying your hair to match each others, blech, yuck, ugggghhhhhhhhhh

Don’t believe me???… I’ll show you.

high schoolers in the Metro

adults in the metro

TODAY IN STARBUCKS

YES THEY ARE ACTUALLY ASLEEP

and in two different chairs...

IT'S NOT EVEN A COUCH

Anyway, I have a theory ,of course backed up by nothing, but it’s just a theory.

As children I’ve noticed Taiwan parents and adults in general are very affectionate with children almost overly so. When they get to a certain age… I’m not too sure when it stops IT JUST STOPS... perhaps maybe elementary/junior high age… and that is where the need for the continuation of physical contact comes into play and so they find it in their boyfriend/girlfriend. So that’s my theory. Yup, brillz isn’t it?

can I come home, now? yeeeeeeeaaaaaNO

Anyone keepin track knows that this will probably be the millionth time I’ve said this… but my birthday marks 1 year of holding my Alien Residence Card (kinda the equivalent to a U.S. Green Card).

And yes I know that I’ve already been here a year, no need to tell me but I was issued my ARC on my birthday so shut it hahaha

So what does this all mean? It means I can finally apply for my Taiwan citizenship. Yesssssir! That means I’ll be putting in my application for both my Taiwan ID and Taiwan passport all in one go! CHYEAAAAAHHHHH booooooooooyyyyyyy

Here’s the thing, I know I was all gung ho about putting in my application at 7/27/2011 12:01 AM but I still had school and a big test looming over me… and in reality there is no rush. So I took my time, meandered on over the immigration office when I had a minute to ask slash verify what I needed to apply… 

(They had “information” on their website but none helpful to a person in my situation; a person who already has a parent with dual citizenship. All the information was for foreigners who are applying to change their residency permanently instead of trying to hold two passports. That mess is crazy yall, if you had no family, blood, or marital ties to Taiwan you’d have to live in the country for 5 years without leaving once before you can apply. Reading that made me grateful mine was only a year.)

So here’s what they need:
Application: Check
Health Report (must have been done in the last 3 months): nope
Passport photos: Check

Mom’s TW ID: Check (thanks Mom!)

So I have to get to one of the hospitals cleared to do health checks. All they do is take X-Rays of my lungs, and draw 3 vials of blood and test the shit out of it to make sure I haven’t picked up any cooties in the year I’ve been here. It takes 8 days for the results and after I pick it up then there’s nothing to it but to do it. All I do is hand it all in and wait.

There is a tug at the back of my mind saying “oooOOOOOoooo what if they find something and reject your application” well you know what I say to that?! "Welllll shiiiiiiiiiet…. not much I can do bout it, now is there, no. So, ughhhh." I guess the only thing that would happen is when I do leave the country I’d probably have to pay a fine for not having a entry stamp from Taiwan in my U.S. passport.

While I’m on the subject of passports and leaving the country and shiizzzzzz let’s clear up those nasty nasty rumors shall we?

Please stop asking me if I’m coming home in September or if I have a date in mind… it makes me sad.

I know it wasn’t intentional for the info about me applying for my passport to spread and get all twisted up… especially seeing as how information flies faster than a witch on a broom through the family grapevine.

I can’t even bring myself to look at flights and dates especially not knowing when I’ll have a passport in hand. Everyone asks me "So, when ya coming home?" every time they speak to me...

(a nudge pushes up some anger and makes me wonder why I never ask “Well, when are you coming to Tawain?” in response to their intial question. I wonder if yall know that it may be because my want to come home is greater than your want to come see me here… i'm just saying... please don’t get bent outta shape bout it, it’s jus a thought. One by the way makes me sad.)

SO here it is ladies and bugs… I STILL DO NOT HAVE A PASSPORT WHICH MEEEEANNNNNS I do not… and I repeat DO NOT KNOW WHEN I’m COMING HOME… I do not know if I’ll come home as soon as I get my passport or if I’ll wait for the holidays or just not come home at all. Let’s take a poll… when would you want me to come home… you can vote “ASAP” or “HOLIDAYS”… comment or inbox me @ goneandsaidit@gmail.com
the not at all part really is not mean to be snarky
if i can get a job and depending on whether or not
i can take a holiday then yeah
...

AND and pay attention here… LIKE WITH MOST NEWS, you should ONLY BELIEVE IT IF IT COMES FROM THE SOURCE… so I will try and be more vigilant with providing it so you wont have to hear it from someone else from now on.

Gettin my learn on and a big ol test

Two things: First, I had the big test on the 12^th and I passed with an 86, I wasn’t too worried about it and I think going in without all that stress helped me do better on the test itself. Everyone in our class did really well. =) And second... I’ve decided to take a break from it. I think going through a year straight of learning a language is thoroughly exhausting and I’m just not used to it.

It’s not that I can’t learn more, the problems is with me. My entire social networks stems from my school. All my friends are foreigners that speak English… I need to make a break for it and try to make friends with the locals. My Chinese is slipping cause I have nothing to anchor it too. I don’t see my family often enough to practice it with them and every time I do see them... I’m afraid... I'm afraid I’ll say something wrong because even before I get the chance to open my mouth to say something they look at me with a look that says “Uhhhhhh, you’ve been here for a year already and you still can’t say a god damn word.” I think they've given up on me speaking... They now stick to yes or no questions... or if i take to long trying to figure out how to answer in Chinese someone will have answered it for me. 

But they’re right and I’m ashamed, I feel like I let them down and I’m a disappointment. It's true… I am.

ps yallllll.... the hunt for a job is on… and that might throw another wrench into the gears working to get me home... especially if they don’t let me take a holiday… or if they do, how much time they’ll give me will be another thing =| we'll see my loves, we'll see...

visual update on ME

JULY/AUGUST

Fulong Beach

Yay for BROWNess

Hooter's let me wear a tiara!

and look I even got LEI'D

hahahha I had too

this is just half the group

RAISE YOUR GLASSES
it's muh BIRRRTHDAY!

i ♥ Chris

he kept me sane all throughout class

Tika too

construction sites are closed off

and they didn't just want to put up a chain link fence

they're too fancy for that shiz

so most of the time the walls look like this

preeeetttty huh?

from the topish of MaoKong

HELLLOOOO

Taipei

from the bottom of MaoKong

hahahhaha

Bird belongs to a restaurant we passed by

=)

this monstrous mosquito bit me

and then

I killed it

I'd say we're pretty even.

SOOOO

I had to do something to my hair...

now its colored in sections.

the top is obviously my natural black 

then its kinda chocolatey

then the blond

I love my stylist Vicki

trip up to Danshui

studying in Starbucks

mouth of Danshui River

you can't see it but the harbor is the the left

me and my friend went to go to the hot springs

this one is filled with rocks that you're suppose to walk on

I guess its suppose to help buff your feet?

this is Cary

it's short for scary

when I took this picture, she wasn't even lookin at the camera

right before I hit the button

she turned her head toward me

I aint even gonna lie, it scared the bajeebus outta me

I turned around to talk to my friend and when I looked back

Cary was gone

feeling relaxed after the hot springs

but ooouuuuuueeee

I need to get back to the beach and get them legs brown!

we made it into the building before the rain started falling

then we watched as the rain blew sideways and swirled in circles around the building...

wish I could have captured it.

Margherita  Pizza

baked red potatoes

chicken caesar salad

tall glass of Hefenweizen

mmmmmmmm

argh, grrrr, snarlllll, meow?!

holly jelly beans batman

my English is slippin

for real

and

not

for fake

i know i joke about how learning Chinese is impairing my English

but this is just ridonkulous.

its worse than my complete lack of punctuation, capitalization,  and correct grammar...

thank for spell check

i just spelled 'correct' as 'gorret' 3 times before i got it right

and the 'word' as 'wrod'

im fallin to pieces yall

i mean i know i write the sounds out

or i make up or use words that don't necessarily exist...

my speech and writing (and typing) has honestly gotten worse

at least  by 200%

no seriously it has

forehead/palm

i think i'll go sit in the corner and read the dictionary now

bye bye

(i swear im in the process of writing a new post to update you on my birthday and what the hecks been keeping me busy the last couple of weeks... oh yeahhhhh, i also have my big test on friday, so that means yall will definitely have a new post, because it's pretty much guaranteed i'll be bloggin as a way to procrastinate the studyiosity)

smooches, besitos, MUAH

im just not...

i'm just not as strong

as yall give me credit for

i feel like

i'm tied together

by the smile

i put on my face

everyday

check out my boy

comin out the Bay n doin big things!

Hella Fancy & Co.

angry bird

OMG I'M DYING

DYING!

MY DAD JUST TOLD ME

MY MOM LET POOPER

OUT OF HIS CAGE AND WHEN SHE TRIED TO GET HIM BACK IN

HE BIT HER

FINGER

HARD

.

SO MY MOM LET OUT A YELP

WHEN MY DAD ASKED WHAT HAPPENED

SHE TOLD HIM THE BIRD BIT HER

AND THEN SHE SAID

HE'S AN

ANGRY BIRD

ANGRY BIRD!!!!

yeah, I almost died

I don't even care if this didn't make you laugh

I was dying

and my dad thought i was weird

I tried to explain the game to him

he didn't get it.

hahahhahahahahah

x a million