There I go, I've gone and said it...: January 2011

Thursday, January 13, 2011

我知道，你們聽過了。。。

studying Chinese makes me want to shoot myself in the EYE...

seriously, not really, actually kinda, yeah...

however thousands of years ago when people decided to develop Chinese... they must have thought... "Jeez, we should invent a language that would one day make Alicia feel like the most retarded person in the world..." yeah that sounds about right...

ugh... I hate feeling so stupid... I know I'm smart... well smart enough... I've got my wits about me... ya know? and here I just fell like dee duh deeeeeee....

每天。。。每一次我說錯了我老師真的很生氣。。。fml

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

its like whiplash yalllllll

and I'm back to not wanting to study anymore... hahahah

So we had a test yesterday (which btw I stayed up till 4 AM studying for) and my grades are not improving... it makes me want to shoot myself in the eye... there's no way around my total grammatical ineptness... I just suck at grammar... period... the end.. no sequel to that story.

uggggghhhhhhhhhh... its like banging my head against the wall...

really.

so I just had a tête-à-tête with an old pal of mine from back home (shouts to Kebby with the frozen *ahem) well anywho.... he's up for a job change or promotion... didnt really know which... but he said that he needed a change...

and I replied something to the effect of me needing a change too...

his reply... " what other change are u talking about...you're in another country! haha."

so very often reality likes to come a long and give me a nice hard slap in the face... this time it came from Kebby via a FB message...

have I been so wrapped up that I've forgotten that I'm living in Taiwan, studying Chinese, and getting to know my family here.... yes, I have.

WOOOPAH............. slap to the face like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

kinda shook me... not that I've ever stopped being grateful to be here... it's just.... believe it or not... I've fallen into a rut and I can't get out!

the monotony continues mostly because I wouldn't know how to unrut my routine...

Monday, January 10, 2011

Who Said It'll Be Alright?

♥ ♥ ♥

Way To The Star

♥ ♥ ♥

scratch that

jussssssssssssssssssssssssssssst kidding ;)

this morning somewhere between 0430-0500 right before I finally fell asleep, I had an epiphany.

the reason my Chinese class this quarter is totally NOT fun and I'm not learning anything is because my teacher's teaching style and my learning style are not the same... she expects us to read it out of the book, learn and memorize it... when I need to be told and shown what to do...

duh forehead/palm, you'd think I would have noticed that sooner... I probably just got too caught up in my homesick to realize it.

So talking to my mom she reassured me that if I ever wanted to leave Taiwan and come home no one would judge or blame me. Hearing that made me cry because I know she meant it.

The thing is, even through all of my homesickness I never once considered hopping on a plane and going home. So I guess I can take that as some sort of sign.

I know I still want to study Chinese.
I know I love my family (despite the fact we don't share a common language)

I also know a couple other things... I need to find work, I need to make friends outside of school, I need to finish at least one year at 師大- MTC

maybe the pressure of my 3 year estimate subliminally brain ninja'd me into feeling like I was trapped, but I know I'm not, not really.

I can leave at anytime if I choose to.
I will submit my paperwork for my dual citizenship in August.
(My one year residency will be up on my birthday 7/27/11)
Time is moving faster than I can account for and August will be here before I know it.
My mom will be visiting me either in April or in the summer.

If time, money, school, (hopefully) and work will allow, I'd love to visit home.

I love and miss everyone at home. I hope my past couple of months didn't freak anyone out, please don't worry about me, I'm a tough cookie, promise.

thanks for reading ♥

Sunday, January 9, 2011

honestly guys...

I feel like giving up this whole learning Chinese thing...

I'll explain in a lil bit... like tomorrow or something but TONIGHT... tonight my dears I will be going to see my cousin perform with his band STAYCOOL... hopefully it will lift my spirits a bit... and you can bet your patootie I'll be singing along (at least to all the songs in English ;p)

(my 2 favorite songs are Who Said It'll Be Alright and Way To the Star... have a listen @
www.staycoolmusic.com)